Testing…testing…is this thing on?

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything of note here. Largely because I get the feeling I’ve been talking to myself most of the time. I’m pretty sure that’s not entirely true, but it does make me wonder why I’m so compelled to express myself in any way other than the need to have some sort of intellectual outlet and interplay now and then. I posted a clip on my wall not too long ago from My Dinner with Andre which I will repeat here;

Keep asking the questions

I don’t know about you other “Lifers” out there, but I find that scene incredibly profound. I don’t see it as negative, or threatening, I see it as a wake up call. We all have our roles to play. Our obligations, our responsibilities in our daily lives, but what exactly are we doing these things for? Is it to better our lives and the lives of those we love, or is it to be Joe or Jane average and just exist by rote and conform?

This modern forum gives everyone an instant outlet to express themselves in any way they please. It doesn’t have to go through a professional editing process (thank God), and it doesn’t have to be accepted or rejected. It just is. I’m getting up in years relative to accomplishments and fulfillment that some have achieved by now, and I don’t want a life that just is. I want a life that does. That gives what you put into it, a dynamic world full of knowledge and wonder that the vast majority skip over and lose in the constant static of their lives. I fully believe it’s possible to do that and still play a good role. I can be the husband and father I am (and strive for better in those areas), yet also be me. Never stop learning. Never stop growing. And never stop being…

Anyway, that’s either the fever-induced ramblings of a manic or I’m on to something. I’m not insecure enough with myself to plead for re-posting if you agree, it’s just something to put out there, because it’s the way I plan to live.

They Don’t Make Tortured Souls Like They Used to

I came across this fragment of a poem during my recent researches of ancient Rome:

Hard-it is hard of a sudden to break with a love

years-long cherished.

Yes, it is hard, but you must. This way or that, end it now.

Here only is your salvation. This fight you must win–

here be victor.

This you shall do. If you can or if you cannot.

You must.

O Gods, if you ever pity, if ever you bring to the stricken,

help in the anquish of death, in life’s extremity,

look on my misery, save him who vows he has lived free from evil.

Purge his plauge from my blood, make me clean

of this taint,

creeping like slow corruption within me, body, bone, sinew.

Not in all my heart space where joy may come.

No more now I pray she might love me again as I love her,

not for what cannot be, that she should wish to be true.

I would be healed, rise up from this torment of sickness

that fouls me.

O Gods, give only this–this to your worshipper.

                                                                                       –Catullus (ca 84B.C-ca 54B.C.)