Archive for December, 2009

Another Year in the Bag

December 29, 2009

Just returned from my first Christmas trip back east in at least 3 years. I know I’m supposed to feel something about the holidays, but I just don’t. Sure, it was nice to see Abby excited about opening presents, looking at the tree etc., but for me it continues to mean nothing. I just don’t  feel the “magic” of the holidays. Pretty sure I never will. It certainly was nice to see my in-laws since I actually like them, and it was nice to see J’nette’s grandparents since I am pretty sure this is one of my last chances to do so based on their health, but I was also about 30 miles from the few friends I have in the world and was not able to see them due to pre-planned  family activities that I had absolutely no control over.  Not to mention the whole thing cost our family about $1000  in trip related expenses that we can ill afford to spend.  So all in all, personally speaking it was not a good investment…

On the plus side looking back over this past year, I am in a much better place professionally which relates directly to my peace of mind. Never again will I leap at money without thinking it through. I will be completely honest since why not and say that I have taken a 15k/year pay cut to take this new job, but the benefits of working close to home coupled with dealing with people I actually like is worth all of that and more. I have also sacrificed a good amount of “power”, but I’ve found myself to be completely OK with that. The things that make me happy and at peace the most is spending time with my family, being at home as much as I can, and cooking. These are all things I can do more of with my current situation. I have some plans in the back of my mind both personally and professionally, but I am waiting for the right time to impliment them. That time will come soon enough and I am content with that knowledge and happy to be on this new and decidedly better path.

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Spinning Wheel of Crap

December 8, 2009

How is it I can feel so damn good about myself on Friday and just so completely shitty on Monday? We can save the trite analysis such as “Well, that’s life”, or even “Guess you have a case of the Mondays”. I’m serious. On Friday I was sitting back just feeling totally satisfied with myself. Got the job I wanted where things are going very well.  Met some people (Ok a person in particular) that I was getting really excited about since that connection thing is as rare to me as teats on a bull and very cherished. Had some money problems I’ve been trying to settle and managed to settle at least one of them.  Actually starting to feel….Well, starting to feel again. Today, the job is still well, I’m respected and doing ok. Busy to be sure, but OK. The connection has been lost as fast as it came (not in so many words, I just know…), I got hit with another supposed bill from 1994 of all things (Going to fight that one tooth and nail starting with contacting LifeLock.) and Oh, the day care lady who has been watching Abby since she was 6 weeks old is shutting down due to government harassment and crippling taxes that they can no longer afford to pay. Closing in 3 weeks in fact since they can’t afford pre-paying the taxes and insurance they would owe by staying in business on January 1st.

My fault I guess.

 I should have known after all these years that despite what people say is silly and melodramatic (even people I live with), almost the second I get the feeling of contentment and dare I say happiness, something or somethings are going to happen to make it all come crashing down. 

This is my curse and this is my life. Best I can do is accept it and keep on keeping on as best I can.